My personal reflections on my 30+ years on the internet
Apologies for the word soup, just a stream of thoughts that I don't have the energy or interest to make into a coherent post.
After learning the ropes of the internet on BBS's, I slowly learned to make websites back in the 1990's, I then contributed heavily to a large indie music news site (preparing news and writing reviews etc), ran street teams for bands on Myspace and ended up organising a few gigs.
For personal use I joined Facebook a month after it opened to non .edu people and was a livejournaler from beta stage to its sale to a Russian company in 2007 (I still have a few close friends that I made on LJ that I still snail mail to today 20+ years later), an instagrammer from early until meta, a twitterer from early on until around the 140 word rule came in and so much just became YouTube links and angry rants. I try new sites and actively use them until I don't feel comfortable or feel as if a personal red line has been crossed by the owners/shareholders whomever, then I move on.
I just happened to be an active internet user from the 90's but I just don't feel as if I want to be a contributor anymore and on the other side of the coin consume what is on offer anymore. There is no real conversation anymore, my biggest and longest internet Livejournal was basically a live diary where friends would share thoughts and their low pixel pictures of their lives, stories, fan works, warts and all for genuine feedback.
There was no jealousy or FOMO of the modern kind - There were fandom places where shit went down, with flamewars and drama, but on the whole it was confined to specific fandoms, and fairly easy to abstain and be unaware of it if you wanted to avoid it. There were fewer broad strokes of tribalism - much less polarisation. People made individual choices on what they liked or disliked or supported or opposed. It was quite normal for people to support a mixture of left and right leaning issues without a problem - it was never you are either a leftie a righty and agree with ALL of the policies on that side of the fence, hated the other side and THAT WAS THAT as it is now.
It really was better back then when we posted our lunches or pictures of newly potted plants. No short cut 'like' buttons, you either passed by silently or you wrote a reply, which usually begat a reply, which turned into an entire conversation.
It was an online relationship - add on the fun of ICQ, MSN messenger and YIM and it became normal to check in and have a chat with your friends circle everyday. In different time zones you either caught people up early or late or left messages for when they had a moment where they wanted to reply, there wasn't that much urgency.
I laughed when my son started getting into vinyl records ten years ago, why bother when there is Spotify and all the music your ears can take in for a monthly subscription that costs less than a new CD? He was experiencing more joy with fifteen of his favourite LPs than I did with every piece of music I could ever imagine at my fingertips.........just as I was when I was an early teen with my paltry collection of three CDs and ten or so cassettes, several of them which I had taped off the radio as a stopgap until I could afford a proper CD version which could take MONTHS.
Now I have returned full circle hunting for CDs of the odd 128kps MP3s of songs that I have never forgotten, that I have stored on my ancient iMac. I am having fun and enjoying myself having a few minutes a day checking out e-bay or Discogs for some leads on random Japanese jazz bands. I have even dug out old physical boxsets of comfort TV shows that I will never tire of, over clicking on Netflix and oh my second hand DVDs and Blu-rays are SO CHEAP!
It isn't so much about the physical media of it, it just feels more intentional and less 'ah well I am sitting down having a rest and there is a TV in front of me, lets click what is in the top ten this week'. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum and have little interest in what is popular for the sake of being the next big thing, unless the premise of the show is fairly pertinent to my interests.
So, yes I sound terribly aloof when I really just am not invested in not participating in the current 'hot' zeitgeist. I just prefer to be honest and say meh, can't be bothered. I have yet to be 'surprised' by trying something out, that is what trailers are for. I saw ten minutes of 'Friends' in the 1997 and decided na, not my thing and have been satisfied with my decision ever since, but according to the modern internet this approach is apparently a 'mean way to think and feel about things, and makes me close minded.
I just have an idea of what I like, and have a ravenous appetite for satiating it by looking beyond what is directly marketed to me. I want to spend my free time doing what pleases me and don't give a shit about missing out. I'm dig my own furrow and in my time have found myself enjoying and really getting into primitive (pre 1910s) cinema, Nigerian soap operas, black and white thrillers, German game shows, obscure sports leagues, Trot concerts. I know I sound like an absolute snob because that is how I am typically treated by people that I meet or work with when a conversation turns to 'awww who do YOU think is the Traitor???' and I have no idea what they are talking about, trying to rack my brains thinking if a new Le Carré show is on at the moment.
Then I think, yeah I am weird.
Not related to the internet, but I tried being 'normal' between 1994 and 1997, it was a fucking disaster and I regret it everyday with shame. I am just happy there were no lasting consequences and anybody who knew me back then sees everything as a total non-issue, since it was a non-issue to everyone except ME, because I was desperately trying to be somebody else and trying to be liked. I think wearing sportswear in a nightclub, torturing my feet with high heels, wasting my money buying Spice Girls CDs (or whatever was in the Top 10 that week), trying out various pentecostal churches, and getting blackout drunk at a work-do party in less than an hour was the absolute worst of it. I still hate myself for making myself so miserable for the sake of trying to join in normality. I greatly appreciate the learning experience, but I hate how much pain it still causes me.
tbc and edited if and when.